Divorce and child’s record

[broadheadc]

I have an individual that is divorced. His ex-spouse no longer goes to church, he has heard that his boys record can be split between the 2 of them, I don’t believe that is correct from what I can see on LCR, is the best bet for him to talk to her and get the okay for the records to be in his ward? She has majority custody.

[jdlessley]

The record can reside in only one unit. However, to accommodate the needs of the child an out-of-unit record can be created in the second unit for the purposes of callings, class assignments, and such. But the unit with the record is where worthiness issues are handled, temple recommends issued, and the like. Where the record is located for this situation is between the parents. If she agrees, then it can be in either unit. But if she presses the issue she would have the say. Having a conversation between parents and with the involvement of both bishops to work out the best situation for the child is recommended.

[broadheadc]

Thank you very much!

[crysburch]

As a mother who went through divorce, thank you for asking and I hope to provide perspective for anyone else who has this situation. Divorce is so difficult. When my ex-husband and I divorced we had no choice but to stay in the same ward. Due to matters that no one at church knew, it was very difficult for me to attend church for a while. It wasn’t that my testimony changed, but that I emotionally felt worse when I put myself in that situation in the beginning. I had been in this ward most of my life and extremely active, even serving as the RS President and many other callings. No one asked. They assumed I was just not interested in church, but it was much deeper. Imagine the hurt when my name was changed and my children were moved out of my household… because my ex requested it. He was not the custodial parent, but more importantly, no one asked. Please talk to the mother and handle these situations with great care. I am fully active again, but so far since we are in the same ward we are unable to list the children under both households.

[Andreapedwards]

I have primary custody, I have a calling, I am involved… but my kids’ records are in their dad’s ward and I can’t seem to get them back. I really second the plea to “please talk to the mother”. We are supposed to believe in spiritual promptings but it feels like there is no openness to the possibility that moms can have access to spiritual promptings about their kids. It’s pretty easy to feel worthless after being discarded by a spouse and excluded from conversations about how to handle ward records.

[crysburch]

I’m so sorry. I can relate. Have you talked to your bishop and clerk or even stake president? If you have paperwork it’s very clear in the handbook that they should be in your household. It took me a while to gain peace and accept that it’s largely a lack of knowledge more than people attempting to assign worth. Once I felt I could do so without too much emotion, I talked with our stake presidency and offered to share my experience to better train bishops and clerks. I feel the church needs to hear our experience in order to better prepare leaders to handle these situations.

[BrianEdwards]

I have primary custody, I have a calling, I am involved… but my kids’ records are in their dad’s ward and I can’t seem to get them back. I really second the plea to “please talk to the mother”. We are supposed to believe in spiritual promptings but it feels like there is no openness to the possibility that moms can have access to spiritual promptings about their kids. It’s pretty easy to feel worthless after being discarded by a spouse and excluded from conversations about how to handle ward records.

The suggestion by @jdlessley in the second post in this thread seems appropriate:
"Having a conversation between parents and with the involvement of both bishops to work out the best situation for the child is recommended"
Although it's ideal for Bishops to take that initiative, I've found that often the communication between Bishops is intermittent or non-existent, which causes each Bishop to only understand one half of the situation. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you meeting with your Bishop and talking through this, and asking if your Bishop can then discuss the situation with the other Bishop so they can align their efforts.

I believe most Bishops are doing their best to support these type of difficult situations, the weight of their callings is real and is felt every day of their service. But even so, their efforts often feel insufficient to those going through these challenges. I know from experience that sometimes a member feels like they have been clear with a Bishop about their situation, and the Bishop feels like he's doing what's desired, but the member doesn't feel supported. It's hard for everyone.

[sbradshaw]

If you have paperwork it’s very clear in the handbook that they should be in your household.

Here's the relevant handbook section: 33.6.13. Records of Children of Divorced Parents. Additionally in 33.6: "Membership records should be kept in the ward where the member lives."

With sole custody, when the children live with only one of the parents, the decision of which household should have the records is simpler, but with dual custody it's not as clear. Ultimately the bishops and the parents need to come to an agreement.